so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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