i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
