pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
