thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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