the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is Oprah even human
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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