i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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