After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
