Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
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I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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