i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
