you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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