its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
