Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
