If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
