Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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