i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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