you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
