i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i think i just lost a toe
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
