This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
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So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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