Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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