Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I lost the right to judge tonight
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dear god my vagina.
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