My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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