Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
