This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
