On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
