I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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