There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
