I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
