You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
being pregnant is like rehab
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
