My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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