So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
