I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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