Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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