Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
be right there i have to get my cape
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
