I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
