tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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