i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
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She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
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It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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