Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
