Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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