I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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