I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
