no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
