It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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