To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
