She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
