Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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