8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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