i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
