I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
