sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
