I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
