YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
