Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
