Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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