We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
