What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
