WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
