"it" just moved
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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