ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
