Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
