And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
