You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
