In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
