Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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