i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
