the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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