Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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